Xumo stuck on settings; can't hard reset

I'm going to throw my computer or remote at my tv if this isn't fixed soon and your xfinity assistant is useless and won't connect me with an actual person. 

I just moved. Like what seems like an infinite amount of other users, my TV and Xumo box worked for one day and now it's stuck on the settings page. It won't let me do a hard reset/factory reset/any reset. I've unplugged it, the tv, the wifi modem, EVERYTHING, and it doesn't work. I've replaced the batteries. I've taken the batteries out held down the power button to discharge excess power yada yada yada, nothing. Can someone please explain to me why not a SINGLE forum gives an explanation to this issue? It's ridiculous!