Trapped in bot loop hell - I need an agent to talk to me.

I've got to hand it to you - Xfinity is pioneering the dark patterns of customer service.  It's clear the strategy is to build as many obstacles and barricades as is possible to prevent a user from actually speaking with someone, and when they finally do speak with a person - that person doesn't listen anyway!

Trying to drill down and see a charge?  Get signed out four times for the SLOWEST billing system page load I've ever seen.  Why does it take 40 second to load one 20kb page?  It took me over an hour to go back and forth between two bills to compare changes simply due to load times of the billing area.  It's abysmal.

Want to talk to an agent?  Get stuck in a loop of 'I can help you with that' from the xfinity agent software that can't help you and doesn't contain an exit routine for items it can't help you with.

Want to make changes to your plan?  Catch fishy agents attempting to wrangle you into a 2 year contract to get worse pricing than you ask for, and claim the features you're asking for don't exist (they do), if you can even get through in the first place.

All I wanted to do was add a feature to my existing plan, and I can't even do that.  If you get lucky enough to break out of the bot's loop (which you can do by signing out, by the way) it still tells you there isn't anyone to talk to.

What is it going to take to get an actual conversation with a person who can help me. I'm trapped in bot loop hell!