I can testify that Comcast does in fact have the worst customer service I have ever dealt with

my personal hitron coda 56 which is capable of 2.5 gb, 200 MB down 300 MB up . I got a used xb-8 from the xfinity store and they can't send a boot file to it. 

i haven't tried over ethernet my laptop doesn't have an Ethernet port

I appreciate you sharing those details @user_515grh . There could be an issue on the downstream side of your network, I'll have to take a closer look. We can also test out the XB8 if it comes to it, and pop over a provisioning signal that should trigger the correct bootfile to be sent to the modem. Please send our team a direct message with your full name, the name listed on the account (if different), and the service address associated with your account.

To send a "Direct Message" to Xfinity Support: 
Click "Sign In" if necessary 
Click the "Direct Messaging" icon 
Click the "New message" (pencil and paper) icon 
The "To:" line prompts you to "Type the name of a person". Instead, type "Xfinity Support" there 
- As you are typing a drop-down list appears. Select "Xfinity Support" from that list 
- An "Xfinity Support" graphic replaces the "To:" line 
Type your message in the text area near the bottom of the window 
Press Enter to send it. 

I have a technician coming out tomorrow between 5 and 7, I'm just tired of troubleshooting it to be honest. 

Hey I get it, you've already put a lot of hours into it. We'll just check back in with you tomorrow evening to see how the visit went! 👍