My whole neighborhood is out. Xfinity says it’s fine

My whole neighborhood has no internet service and yet Xfinity says no outages have been reported. This is clearly wrong since I reported it and so did neighbors. They told me they would expedite a service call and have someone there in 5 days.  Yes, 5 days is what they consider to be expedited. Then they had the nerve to try and get me to switch cell service. 

Their system makes it virtually impossible to speak to a human which wouldn’t be so bad if  their virtual assistant was any good, but it’s awful. 

It’s impossible to parody Xfinity. It’s a shame there are no competitors left in my area.