Need help, Comcast borked the neighborhood

Earlier today, our neighborhood's Xfinity service went out. Internet, TV, probably phone too, all kaput. They sent out texts to all of us to let us know it was a known outage, and about three hours later we got texts saying everything was sunshine and rainbows again.

Unfortunately, that does not seem to be the case. None of us had any issues prior to this outage, and immediately upon restoration of service we noticed that our internet service was extremely poor. We're getting packet losses of 25% to 30%, and even simple web browsing is an exercise in sheer frustration. Forget streaming or trying to play something. Additionally, we can't seem to change TV channels or bring up the program guide since this began; all inputs other than volume adjustment are ignored by the cable boxes.

After comparing notes and noticing that we were all having the same issues on our street and that it all started at the same time, at least 4 of us called Comcast up to seek technical support with the issue. Unfortunately, we are not being taken seriously. We went through the whole power cycle equipment, check cables, blame yourself or God, yaddayadda nonsense with you, but your people insist that there are no issues and that whatever we are experiencing has to be our own fault.

Unless the entire neighborhood is suffering an episode of mass hysteria, it seems pretty obvious that whatever is going on happened when you 'repaired' whatever caused the outage earlier today. How can I talk to someone who can see this? Your bottom-tier support people will not escalate us because they can't detect any issues on your end (nevermind that on my own calls, you failed to communicate with my modem 3 times before it finally went through), and you only continue to give us the run-around while we all try to endure this.

Someone down the road took this screencap of a ping test they attempted, mine looks pretty much the same when I run it:

Adding salt to the wound, apparently we don't qualify for extended outage credit because the internet is ~technically~ still on even if it's useless in this condition. Is there anything we can do here other than forming an angry mob and storming the corporate building with pitchforks and torches? This has been the single most terrible experience I have ever had with your customer support, and I have been through some doozies over the years.