Email subject "Your TV equipment needs to be replaced" so I did and was sent a worse modem. Why?

Hello Comcast/Xfinity (please?):
I got an email with the subject "Action Needed: Your TV equipment needs to be replaced" so I clicked the "Order new equipment" button/link.
I received a new modem (Arris TG1682G, 600Mb) but it is worse than my current modem (Technicolor CGM4140COM, 1Gb).
I also noticed that in the email it says "Serial number(s) of equipment to be replaced: 035*******284" but I can't find any equipment I have with that serial number. My current modem serial number is A45******1BE which is not even close.

To make matters worse, I cannot contact anyone at Xfinity/Comcast using the phone or chat because, according to online and phone robo-voice, I'm experiencing an outage and cannot be helped until the outage clears. Well this outage message has been there for days (at least) and my service is fine. My issue isn't even with my service.
So,
Why did Xfinity tell me my equipment "needs to be replaced"?
What equipment does this mysterious serial number 035*******284 belong to?
Why does Comcast think there is a multi-day outage in my area when my service is just fine?
and, how can I be helped by a live person about this equipment confusion - even during this [non-]outage?

My account now shows the new/replacement modem which is still sitting on my workbench and my current modem (working just fine) is no longer showing online anywhere.
At this point I just want to go back to my current modem and return this "new" one. I was doing just fine until Comcast told me I needed to replace my equipment.
Help? Live Comcast/Xfinity person please? (that can access my account).