^ Very reasonable advice.
My problem: I ran netstat -a and found that 127.0.0.1 was the only listed IP listening on port 80. I ran netsh http delete iplisten ipaddress=127.0.0.1 which resulted in 0.0.0.0 listening on port 80, and now it's working again. I wish I knew what made the changes to my machine. That was really frustrating.
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